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Degwesk Culinarium
Degwesk Culinarium is a mobile restaurant currently docked above the city of Port Caldera, in the Port Caldera territory on planet Glade 3. It specializes in mixed cuisine, featuring a very large menu of a variety of different foods. Founded in 3031 within Siveril Station, it was and continues to be owned and operated by Pacahtuk chef Tewoon Degwesk. Advertising Degwesk Culinarium's motto is "Delicious in any universe!" Tewoon claims to have come up with the motto when she was "beating the living Internets out of a stubborn future entree." She went on to say, "When it stopped squirming, the wisdom just came to me. I knew this was the right motto from the get-go. Perhaps I should pummel things with a rolling pin more often!" Cuisine The menu is a broad compilation of dishes, collected by Tewoon from a variety of sources. According to one of the chefs, "She's always asking everyone what sounds good. What would be good on the menu? What's good from your planet and local area?" Tewoon is adamant on keeping the menu large and diverse, as well as using natural, fresh, and healthy ingredients as often as possible. Despite these measures, there is no diet menu, and the calorie count ranges from moderate to remarkably high for most items on the menu. Dishes are typically served in large portions. According to Galactic Mealtime Magazine, "The standard plate for an average adult humanoid can feed three people. Magnificent as the alfredo was, I could not finish even half of it. My hat goes off to those who can. You want your money's worth of food? Come to Degwesk Culinarium. You want to stay on your diet? Stay far away from the place and cower, because Chef Degwesk laughs at your feeble weight-loss goals." Employment Tewoon states that applicants must have substantial experience with cooking UNLESS they're applying for a position that doesn't require cooking, such as waiter, janitor, etc. Some form of culinary experience is still recommended, but not required. Applicants must be friendly, personable, and cheerful, as well as able to provide very good customer service. Applicants must not be afraid of food. No diets. No "ew, calories/fat/cholesterol" attitude. Applicants must dress appropriately, utilizing the DC uniform. As an advisory, she stresses that it is unlikely any applicants will starve while employed at Degwesk Culinarium, unless they have "unbelievable willpower." She continues, "People ask me how working at DC affects your size. I say that it isn't exactly a diet program. What? I can't help it that my food is just that good. Yes, most employees tend to fill out a little, but that's just a natural effect of being around so much delicious food all the time. You will never starve here!" Controversy The calorie count, which borders on hilarity in its sheer magnitude, and complete absence of a diet menu have inspired various health and fitness groups to voice their concerns, commonly citing Tewoon's own advanced mass as a primary example. Tewoon countered, "You're just jealous because I'll survive a famine longer than you will. You'll be this little shriveled husk curled up in the dirt with an expression of pure regret and remorse, while I'm taking pictures of you for use in my epicurean propaganda. And I shall point a finger of condescension and say 'yes.' " Future plans Tewoon has stated that she hopes to eventually open a retail portion of Degwesk Culinarium, which would carry "a whole bunch of cool knick-knacks, silly pranks, cheap parlor tricks, snacks and confectioneries, scented sugar candles, and a bunch of the ingredients I commonly use in my quest to provide delicious food and propagate my nefarious anti-hunger campaign. I'll probably throw in some funny signs, too." Degwesk Culinarium is copyright of Jerionis Kanik. Category:Restaurants